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Franklin was taking advantage of an effect known as cognitive dissonance – the tension between the man’s attitude (“I hate Ben Franklin”) and the fact that he just did a favor for a man he disliked.
Our brains don’t like the tension; we prefer to at least So by asking a stranger for their help – getting some advice to settle a disagreement, wanting to know where they got those boots, what they think about the brand of phone they’re using – we’re asking them to do something nice for us. Another key psychological component to building rapport with someone is to remember that we instinctively like people who like . So one of the easiest ways to indicate that we like someone is to let them know we think they’re fascinating and that they have a lot to offer.
Instead, you want to angle yourself slightly away from them, which feels more accommodating and friendly.
Speaking for myself: I start talking faster the more excited (or nervous) I get; when I get on a roll, I can give the Micro-Machines guy The problem is that when we speak quickly, it feels as though we’re trying to put one over on the person we’re talking to; we can’t dazzle them with our brilliance, so we want to baffle them with our bullshit.
Think of a used car-salesman; you’re not sure , but you just know he’s trying to scam you, so you instinctively don’t trust him.
The tricky part is keeping the ball rolling; it’s easy to trail off – or worse, make someone feel uncomfortable about dominating the entire conversation.
You have to be an active listener, taking what they say and bouncing it back by asking the questions.